After birth recovery, what they don’t tell you!

Get ready for the nitty gritty slightly icky recover week blog!

Every mother loves a good labour and birth story, when I was pregnant random women would share the most intimate detail of their birthing experiences whether I asked for it or not. What they neglect to tell you what to expect in the first few weeks after the labour!

Ill give you some details of my birth story so you can make sense of the recovery process. After being in active labour for 23 hours, all the huffing, puffing and pushing wasn’t enough. It was decided that a suction cup (ventouse) would be needed to give me a helping hand. In order for the suction cup to be used they would have to cut my precious little lady flower (although at this point I’m sure it resembled something a little more horrific) this I believe is called an episiotomy. Now this may sound alarming but at the time I was none the wiser, apparently it is also better than the dreading tearing!
So thank you Jesus the baby is out! Now, how many times have you heard a mother say that once that baby is in your arms the pain goes away? Well its true. It’s a wave of emotion mixed with thank Christ that is other.
The stitching begins, mildly uncomfortable pinch as they numb the downstairs area, back on the gas and air, quick thumb in the bum to make sure they hadn’t stitched me up to far and jobs a gooden! Off to the ward we go.
First thing in the morning a lovely midwife woke me stating that if I didn’t pee then they would have to use a catheter. It was if the sheer mention of anything to do with that region of my body made me feel the pinch. What the heck was going on down there? Did I grow a pair of balls while I was asleep? Will it always be so swollen? Then dread, did she say I needed to pee? Did I even need to pee? My friends had warned me that the first pee is the hardest. Seeing the fear spread across my face the midwife gave me the best advise I had been given to this date. She said “it will sting, but just bear down. Sit on that toilet, lean forward with your elbows on your knees, it will force the stream away from the stiches and may make it bearable”. Expectant ladies take this advice. It wasn’t completely pain free but it wasn’t as harsh as I had expected.
Shower, (without daring to look down) dressed and along came husband to take us home. The first week was the hardest, constant pinching feeling and siting in any sort of fashion was uncomfortable. regular ibuprofen and a lot of baggy clothing is all I can say. I remember thinking that I would never feel normal again. I would never wear jeans, not because of the weight your warned about, but because my vagina burnt like a thousand suns.
Ill keep this short, the first poop. It may feel like your insides are going to drop out but they won’t. it may feel like you are literally ripping a new Asshole but you’re not. You will feel better once it is done.
7 days past and although I was still uncomfortable I was feeling more myself. Maybe I would wear jeans again! This isn’t so bad surely it will be another week tops and I will be back to business. Things were looking up. Then I happened. The dog. My shadow, followed me everywhere even to the loo. This dog who loved me so much decided to give me a lift down the stairs. Completely cleaned me out half way down. Ass over tit, roly poly over. I genuinely thought I had torn myself open. Burning searing pain. You know that scene in Saw where they throw that girl into a pit full of needles? Well that’s how I would describe the eye watering pain racing though my lady garden. Not even the fire brigade could put this bush fire out.
Luckily I hadn’t done any damage. I had grown what felt like another set of balls in swelling but no extra stitches needed. I went back to sitting on a pillow designed for piles and the dog, was literally back in the dog house.

Who is she?

who am I? a question that I find more difficult to answer since I traded in my heels and tequila for baggy t shirts and express pumps!

In an attempt to find my way through this multi coloured, rainbow peppa pig fuelled jungle (uncharted territory for this very unmumsy mum) I’m hoping to find myself somewhere.  Probably hiding. Behind a mountain of laundry, baby sick and plenty of wine!

So lets start with the basics, My name is Becki, I am 27 years old and 3.5 months ago I gave birth to my first child. Now she is obviously the most perfect beautiful angel baby . I mean, when she’s not the screaming pooping devil spawn child that my own mother calls revenge!

Although she may be the first human to ever exit my body, I may have gained a little bit of a head start on the whole motherhood game. I married my lovely husband July 2016 (well at least I think we married? I had a little to much liquid courage to remember) after being together for 5 years. On our first ever date he said to me “I have twin boys, they are my number one priority, take us all or nothing.”  clutching my Malibu and coke I could feel the colour draining from my entire body. TWINS? of all my friends I was he most unmumsy, I didn’t get broody, little socks and underpants didn’t make me all gooey with emotion, should I run? just run out and never look back? as the idea of jumping out the bathroom window crossed my mind he looked at me dead in the eyes and said “so wanna ditch the posh restaurant and grab a maccys?” and I knew right then he was the one for me.

So I was eventually introduced to the boys and over the next five years we all fell in love, spent a short time living in my mums spare bedroom, all. Four. Of. Us.  bought a house, got married and created another human.

5 years as a “step mum” could not have prepared me for the rollercoaster ride of motherhood. I did not have the insight and experience that I though I had, the boys were fully toilet trained when I met my husband how naïve could I be? very is the correct answer.

so together lets see if we make sense of this crazy emotional adventure called motherhood. I will use this blog to vent, cry and celebrate the highs and lows it takes to be a wife, part time step mum and a first time mother.

wish me luck!